Heroic Measures
by Mindy35
Summary: Elliot/Olivia. Post-ep for "Savior". Elliot goes to extraordinary lengths to console Olivia in her baby-woe. Continued in "Hearts Divided" and "High Stakes".


Title: Heroic Measures

Author: mindy35

Rating: T, adult themes

Disclaimer: I own them not

Spoilers: "Inconceivable", "Savior".

Pairing: Elliot/Olivia.

Summary: Post-ep for "Savior". Elliot goes to extraordinary lengths to console Olivia in her baby-woe.

* * *

He finds her in a blustery corner courtyard outside the hospital. Despite the bitter temperature, she sits on the ledge of a long stone planter, spine straight against the cold and cardigan lying limply beside her. She doesn't notice him arrive, her gaze focused off in the distance, so Elliot murmurs her name as he approaches. Olivia doesn't break from her reverie though, not until he sits beside her and places a warm hand over her chilled one.

"Hey. Liv? Hey…"

Olivia frowns confusedly, first down at his hand then up at his face. "What're you doin' here?"

"One of the nurses called me," he says, tilting his head at the lit-up hospital. "They're worried about you, said you've been sitting out here for over an hour."

She glances up at the sterile, towering edifice. "I just…needed a minute."

Elliot adjusts his seat on the cold, hard concrete. "Okay…"

His partner's gaze drifts away, back to the darkened horizon, peppered with distant city lights. Elliot wraps his coat more tightly about his body and folds his arms across his chest. After a moment, her head turns a fraction his way and she asks in a vague voice:

"They tell you what happened?"

He nods, eyes tracing her profile. "They said you decided to use heroic measures."

"It's what Gladys wanted."

"She knew you'd make the best decision for her little girl."

Olivia just stares into the distance, eyes glittering with moisture as the wind hits her full-on in the face. "Molly died on the table."

Elliot sighs, eyes closing over and a hand lifting to his brow. "You named her?" he asks in a sinking tone.

"Seemed wrong…" she says, ripping her eyes from the horizon and redirecting them to her lap, "for her to die without a name."

"Molly," he says with a soft smile. "That's pretty…"

"You were right," she mutters, chin quivering and tears starting to track down her face. "It's different. Looking at that tiny body, knowing there's a little life in your hands."

He puts a hand on her back, rubs in circles. "Liv, she barely had a chance."

Her fingers wipe beneath her eyes. "I know."

"You gave her a better chance at life than she started out with. You gave her a beautiful name. She just…she wasn't strong enough."

"You know what the worst part is?" She gets to her feet, walks to the railing enclosing the courtyard and stands with her back to him. "Part of me….was relieved."

Elliot stays were he is, lifting his voice above the hiss of the wind. "Even if she lived, her life was going to be difficult, probably even painful."

"Plus she was the child of a girl who's been raped thirteen-thousand times." She half-turns to him, shoots him a sideways glance. "Maybe she's better off. Not having to live with that."

His eyes narrow at her. "You don't mean that."

Olivia doesn't answer. She just hugs her own arms, seeming to notice the bleak weather for the first time.

Elliot picks up her cardigan and moves toward her, draping it over her shoulders. "Gladys isn't your mom," he tells her gently.

"How am I going to tell her?" she sighs, head bent and shaking. "I don't even know where to find her."

"We'll track her down."

"None of this…— it doesn't make sense."

"Nothing does, when a baby dies."

She looks up at him, hesitating before asking, "Have you and—"

"No," he answers pre-emptively, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. "No, no, the Stablers are a hardy lot. We haven't had to find out what it's like to lose a child."

Olivia frowns, voice lowering as she admits, "I have. In a way." Slipping one arm into the sleeve of her cardigan then the other, she leans back against the railing. "When I was twenty-one…I was dating this older guy. Part of my daddy-phase – it, ah…it lasted awhile. One night…the condom broke and I just…_knew_."

"You were pregnant," he murmurs, brow crumpling.

She nods. Then shakes her head. "I was just a kid, El. I didn't even know if I wanted to have kids. Not after— I'd only known where I came from for a couple of years and I was so afraid of what was in my blood, what I'd be passing on."

He clears his throat. Then asks, "The guy?"

"Wanted me to have it, asked me to marry him."

Elliot looks away, drawing in a breath. "D'you love him?"

"Yes," she answers first. Then, eyes fluttering closed, "No." Then, in a softer voice, "I don't know. He wasn't…"

"The one?"

She ducks her head and starts buttoning her cardigan from the bottom up. "And I'd just been accepted into the Academy. For weeks, I debated whether to do the whole marriage-and-babies thing or…" she looks up but meets his eyes only fleetingly, "get an abortion and get on with my life. Become a police officer."

"You got the abortion," he says after a short silence.

"Didn't have to," Olivia answers, the wind whipping her hair about her face. "I…miscarried. At nine weeks."

Elliot shuffles closer, grasps her elbow. "Liv…"

"And I felt so guilty," she goes on, voice tight with emotion, "Like…I'd rejected this defenseless little being just because it wasn't meant to exist. Just…" she waves a hand and pushes past the lump in her throat, "just like my mom."

"Wasn't your fault, Liv, any more than this is."

She turns her face away, swiping at a few more tears and pursing her lips until the old emotion passes. When she turns back, her voice is calm but drained. "I didn't think about it – couldn't – not for years. Not until I started working this unit, started thinking about…having a family, which it turns out I _do_ want. Now, barely a day goes by that I don't think about," she glances his way, shrugs a shoulder, "what could've been, who she_…_could've been."

Elliot leans back on the railing, shoulder pressed to hers. "That's where the name came from? Molly?"

"I tried so hard not to name her," she admits with a sad smile. "I was convinced it was a girl – don't know why. But I'd always liked the name." She looks up at the hospital and lets out a misty breath. "Guess I hoped it would bring this little girl better luck."

"Molly had you looking out for her – she _was_ lucky." He turns to look at her, voice faltering as he adds, "Just as any family you have in the future – when you decide to…they're gonna be so lucky, Liv."

Olivia meets his gaze, eyes brimming with multiple emotions as she asks in a desperate whisper, "What if I missed my chance? What if…I willed it away so hard that I never get another shot?"

"Then you'll will it back," he tells her, resolutely holding her gaze. "The Olivia Benson I know has a stubborn streak in her that won't die out for generations. At least, I hope not. Because I for one…" he can't help grinning at the thought, "I wanna see your kids. I wanna meet those baby Benson brats with their big brown eyes and their brave little hearts. I wanna watch 'em grow up all big and strong and tell 'em stories about how cute their mom used to be as a rookie—"

"_Used to be_?" she interrupts weakly.

"And is," he corrects with a fond smile.

Olivia sniffs, tossing her hair out of her face. "That's better."

"With any luck," he adds, bumping her shoulder with his, "they'll also inherit your unfailing wit in times of turmoil."

"That's not inheritable," she replies, facing him with her sad eyes and her pink cheeks and her tangled hair. "It's a survival mechanism I've developed from working with you for too many years to count."

His smile spreads slowly across his face. Elliot reaches out, smooths some windswept hair behind her ear then juts his chin in the direction of the exit ramp. "Come on. Time to get you home."

Olivia nods once and together they stride across the courtyard and down the ramp, shoulders raised against the wild wind. Their pace quickens instinctively at the distant sound of an ambulance siren. And his hand lifts unconsciously to her lower back as they cross a deserted intersection. It's as they're approaching the car that he feels the words bubble up to the surface, that he feels compelled to seize the opportunity. To say what he's been considering for well over a year, ever since his partner told him of her lack of luck with adoption. Undecided, Elliot presses the button to unlock the car. Olivia is reaching for the passenger side door and he is heading for the driver's side when he makes up his mind and doubles back.

"Liv—"

She opens the door then stops, standing one side of it as he comes round to the other.

"I know I've said it before but…any way you wanna start your family—" Elliot hesitates, swallows then starts again, "I mean, if the adoption agencies aren't biting then….you have other options."

Olivia nods and averts her eyes. "I know."

"And if you want help with that then all you have to do is ask."

"El—"

"I mean it," he insists, eyes wide and expectant. "Just ask."

She looks up, studies him a moment then slowly shakes her head. "I can't ask that."

"Then I'm offering," he responds swiftly. "Think about it."

"Elliot…" his partner smiles but bites her lip to dispel it, "don't you think you have enough offspring already?"

"This is different."

"How?"

"This is you."

"This…" her smile vanishes, her brow contracts, "would complicate…everything. We—"

"Would work it out. If this is what you really want—"

"You know it is."

"Then take your shot, Liv." He walks away, heading back to the driver's side.

Olivia stands in the open door, struggling to form a sentence. "El…"

"Take it," he says simply before ducking inside the car and starting the engine.

Olivia lets out a sigh, drops into her seat and shuts them in with a dull thunk. She spends several moments fiddling with the heat controls before looking up and meeting her partner's steady gaze. Neither of them says another word though until he pulls up outside her apartment and she bids him a brief goodnight.

_END._

_A/N: To be clear, this story is a standalone post-ep for this particular episode but I do plan on picking up on this thread in my next post-ep. So for anyone interested, stay tuned. Thanks for reading and please review. _


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